Dating
Remember that ‘wicked’ 70’s tv show called ‘the Dating Game’? 3 male contestants answered questions out of view of the young lady; she made a choice of who she was going to go out on a date with based upon their answers to a bunch of foolish sounding questions.
Today, there are many, many perversions of this show: they are in the form of ‘reality tv shows’:
A Shot at Love; Dating in the Dar; Double Shot at Love; Flavor of Love; For the Love of Ray J; Megan Wants a Millionaire; Rock of Love Girls; The Bachelor Show; The Bachelorette TV Show; VH1 Tough Love; Wife Swap
We have gone from the somewhat innocent (but still wicked) Dating Game, to Wife Swap!
Do your kids watch tv? Are they watching these? How do you know? Are your children planning on dating? Are they dating right now? What’s your conviction on dating…on Christian dating…on courting?
Definitions
DATE = “To note or fix the time of an event or transaction.” (Webster’s) The actual meeting with someone of the opposite gender for the purpose of romance (dw). “I’m going on a date, Mom.”
DATING = The process of being in a romantically close emotional and physical relationship with another person that you are not married to, nor necessarily planning on being married to (dw).
COURT = “To flatter, to endeavor to please by civilities and address, to woo, to solicit, to seek.” (Webster’s)
COURTING = The process of being involved in a formal, parent led, God-fearing, non-physical relationship with another of the opposite gender with the intention being for future, but timely, marriage (dw).
There are at least two different types of ‘dating’. There is the standard, wordly type of dating where the two will be alone together for hours every day, and many times will spend much of that time alone ‘petting’. These relationships usually end up involving frequent fornication. Then there is the so-called ‘Christian dating’. There are different levels of this, but it typically takes the form of a morph between the world’s dating and courting. It is designed to allow the ‘couple’ the pleasures of worldly dating, but only to a certain level. The two can be alone, but not in a home/apartment. The two can touch each other, but just no prolonged kissing or petting. Marriage is not typically the end goal of the relationship. The parents are involved, but usually it is fairly limited.
Dating Game Dilemnas
For those not familiar with dating, I will give a down to earth description here: Billy (15yo) likes the way Vanessa (14yo) looks; Billy’s friends are all dating someone, so he decides to date Vanessa; he has one of his friends ask Vanessa if she would like to “go out with him”; Vanessa will have one of her friends say (hopefully) yes; They are now officially dating; They will then soon meet at some teen party somewhere where there is little or no parental oversight Billy will dance with Vanessa for a while; once it is late and near time to get home, Billy will try to “make out” with Vanessa; they will then meet again somewhere where there is little or no parental oversight, and Billy will follow some other course with the goal of “making out” with his new girlfriend Vanessa (14 years old).
This may sound far-fetched, but it is actually outdated a bit, and is soft core. Dating nowadays has progressed to basically unrestricted physical intimacy for two young (or old) people who say they are ‘in love’…but they are usually really just ‘in lust’ with eachother!
What young people today go on ‘a date’ and have their parents with them and chat about important subjects such as serving God, career opportunities, financial planning, home economics, etc.??! They go on ‘a date’ to get away from adult supervision so they can speak ‘sweet nothings into each others’ ears’!
Let’s look at the 2 big problems in dating:
- Girls
The media (tv, magazines, etc.) has branded women and girls as objects of fleshly desire.
Prov 7:10 And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.
This is today’s Seventeen Magazine’s cover girl.
Girls like boys; they want the boys to like them; they like the attention; they will often adopt the world’s standards for ‘attracting’ boys (objects). They love to flirt with the boys; it gets the attention that they so desire; the boys love it too!
The overly flirtatious, inappropriately dressed, alluring young lady will often find herself in a situation she hadn’t planned on when she is on that first or second date with ‘the cute boy on the football team’; she hadn’t planned on becoming quite so intimate with him…3 weeks later she finds herself pregnant, and her life forever changes. Some will get an abortion (even without parents knowing about it!); and will live with that guilt for the rest of her earthly life.
Many will go on to have the child, but in shame; and will often drop out of high school (or quit their job, etc.); some will marry the father of the child and often have a miserable short marriage with them, until it is ended in divorce; others will have Mom and Dad raise the child for them. Is the dating game really worth it?…
How many well intentioned young boys and girls end up becoming physically intimate while dating? One survey shows that about two-thirds of Christian young people do.
We need to teach our young girls not to play the dating game!
Titus 2:4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
- Boys
It is a very great evil to let this hormonally unstable son watch at will tv and movies that are overflowing with unspeakable eroticisms. Even so called “good” shows reek of these, whether subtle or blatant. Your sweet little boy is being changed into a raving monster little by little, show after show, commercial after commercial, image after image!
It is unthinkable to expect these troubled, unstable, untested boys to go out into this wickedly fornicating world and pick out a pure, chaste, submissive young Christian lady! They are being brainwashed into ‘wanting’ the wicked girl. Most will operate under the principle of ‘the most important thing in a girl is that they’re good looking’.
A level-headed, Holy Spirit directed parent is far more qualified to seek marriage prospects than a teenager with roller coaster emotions, newly functioning glands and who is filled with desires very difficult for him to control. Parents need to take control or you will have a hormonally picked daughter-in-law!
Judg 14:1-3 And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines. And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife. Then his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.
Why won’t girls and boys quit the Dating Game and instead take things ‘to court’: a Parent led; God-centerred; marriage-pursuing; chaparoned; careful relationship.
Dating = Divorce: Dating is basically a “trial and error” phenomenon. It also is a fatalistic, luck/chance phenomenon. Most that date simply keep trying out one potential “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” after another, until Mr. or Mrs. right comes along. Sometimes this process could be into the 20’s to 50’s of physical/emotional encounters until they pick that “special” one (or not so special one as it really turns out!). Many don’t marry until their late 20’s. “Who you dating now?” “Who are you ‘going out with’? “Who are you ‘in a relationship’ with? Going on a ‘date’ has become synonymous with ‘going out’; that is, leaving their homes and being together at some ‘establishment’ in town, away from their siblings, parents, really anyone that knows them. Thus, they can act any old way they want to.
They usually base this dating process on “when the time is right” they will come along into my life. Just waiting for that lucky day. Many will hang out at clubs, lounges, malls, concerts in order to increase their “chances” of finding their next somebody special. They are ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’… Once they do indeed get married, they have already set themselves up for probable failure. They practiced for years the process of entering into a close relationship until they grow tired or bored with it, and then move on to a new, more exciting one. This practice continues into the marriage mentality too. And, with today’s mindset being that divorce is a normal, simple way out, it easily shifts from trial and error dating to trial and error marriage.
Dating teaches infidelity. Dating’s goal is usually mere sensual satisfaction without long-term expectations or commitment. Dating was created by the world, not by God. Love equals sex. Virginity equals weird. God isn’t the author of this confusion. So those who date can’t expect God’s blessing on it. They are basically on their own.
The heart is desperately wicked (Mt 5:27,28): If these 2 big problems rely on their “heart” to guide them and their “love” to motivate them, then they are going to end up in a mess. Two hormonally driven (and out of control) inexperienced teens who are totally fascinated with each other that go somewhere that is quiet and private, are 9 times out of 10 going to have some form of fornication take place. So, letting your sweetie pie go ‘on a date’ with that ‘special person’ in their life, is basically giving them the go ahead to fornicate…no matter how much you tell them that it is wrong!
Young people are dumb…they are controlled by emotions and desires; they don’t think much! They react…they don’t plan things out.
Prov 7:13,21,22 So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, …. With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;
And, for those ‘lucky few’ that date but somehow avoid physical fornication….
Matt 5:27-28 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart
Would it be right for a single person to be in bed with another of the opposite gender? Of course not! But how different is that from the two being alone in their car, or in a secluded place like a park? They can say all they want that they aren’t going to do anything bad… but things happen.
All that the world speaks of is the “lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life”(1Jn 2:16). These 2 (boy and girl) if following the world’s example, and being motivated by their fallen nature, will be controlled by their lustful thoughts and fantasies, and by pride will want to show off what they have ‘caught’…what they now own (via intimacy).
What do you think is going to happen when two young people that are very attracted to each other…who spend all their time dreaming and fantasizing about the other… get all alone together?!…
James 1:14-15 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
There is going to be an enormous amount of temptation…and one held hand will lead to a cuddle; one cuddle will lead to an embrace; one embrace will lead to a short kiss; one short kiss will lead to ….which will lead to… which will lead to…!!! When it is finished, it bringeth forth death (judgment)!
These 2 have role models all over the place to follow: ads,tv,music,malls,books,mags,peers,schools.
The Bible speaks about these 2 big problems: The way of the transgressor is hard – they are in for a hard life. Be sure your sin will find you out – they won’t be able to keep their sin hidden. There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death – it may seem very “right” at the height of emotions and desire, but in the end it destroys. Whatever a man soweth, that shall he also reap – sinful, unwise practices now will reap the whirlwind later.
Some actually just want to have someone ‘care’ about them; have that ‘special person in their life’. They may not want to commit ‘sin with them’. But, if they follow the ‘Dating Game’, they are bound for trouble. They need to protect themselves by ‘going to court’: a Parent led; God-centerred; marriage-pursuing; chaparoned; careful relationship.
Here is a summary of the contrasts between dating and courting.
**Dating is usually based upon self-gratification; sensuality; let’s just say it: ‘lust’! Courting is based on God’s love.
**Dating develops a self-centered, feeling-oriented concept of love; whereas courting is based upon mutual respect.
**Dating creates a close emotional (and often physical) bond between two people who have no plans on
getting married to each other. Courting prevents close emotional/physical bonds between two people who do indeed
have plans on marrying each other.
**Dating teaches people to break off the relationship if difficulty or boredom comes; thus, conditioning them
for divorce. Courting solidly supports ‘married for life’.
**Dating creates a standard of comparison by which mates are first chosen, but after marriage rejected. Courting isn’t
based on comparison at all…for there is no-one to compare to.
**Dating develops an appetite for variety and change, creating dissatisfaction within to “death do us part” marriage.
Whereas courting is based upon faithfulness, purity, and trust.
**Dating causes late marriages, leaving more time for falling into sins associated with singleness. Whereas courting
promotes earlier marriage.
**Dating lacks the protections and wise guidance of parents; whereas courting employs them fully.
**Dating doesn’t prepare children to face “life’s realities” ~ it warps life’s realities! It rather teaches them to find ways
out of situations that aren’t pleasing, no matter what the cost. Courting teaches responsibility for ones actions.
**Dating allows for intimacy without commitment, which teaches an hedonistic view of “love”. Courting doesn’t allow
for any intimacy.
**Dating reverses the order for a healthy relationship, with the physical aspect being first in importance and the spiritual
last (if at all). Courting does just the opposite; the spiritual is the most important part of the relationship.
**Dating, and its associated infatuation, often isolates a couple from other vital relationships, including their family,
friends, and church. Whereas courting includes family and church.
**Dating often is transformed into some kind of game or challenge, with some dating multiple people at once. Courting
is no game…it is a very serious pursuit that has the fear of parents and the fear of God surrounding its edges.
**Dating is the ultimate socially acceptable method of getting away from parental involvement and authority in one’s
life. Courting is the ultimate Biblically acceptable method of including parents in the choice of one’s spouse!
