Cults to Consciousness

Filmmaker and former NXIVM member Mark Vicente returns to discuss his new documentary, The Narcissist's Playbook, using both his experience exposing NXIVM and years of research into narcissistic personalities to explain why destructive leaders across cults, abus*ve relationships, and even public life often follow the same psychological pattern. Drawing from his own journey through multiple spiritual movements before becoming one of the key figures who helped bring down Keith Raniere, Mark explores how idealistic, empathetic people are especially vulnerable to manipulation. He reflects on the emotional aftermath of discovering just how calculated Keith Raniere's deception had been and how that realization reshaped his understanding of evil. Find and support Mark! Donate to & watch “Narcissist’s Playbook”: https://www.narcissistsplaybook.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ Use code CULTFREE at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a Free Gift with your first purchase! #JonesRoadBeauty #ad We want to meet you in real life! Join us on our Costa Rica vacation! There are only 2 spots left… Check out the itinerary: https://trovatrip.com/trip/central-america/costa-rica/costa-rica-with-shelise-sola-aug-2027?earlybird=true Chapter Marks 00:00:00 – Intro - Mark Vicente Reveals the Moment Everything Changed 00:07:05 – Mark Explains Why Spiritual Seekers Become Easy Targets 00:13:00 – Mark Breaks Down the Psychology Behind NXIVM's Control 00:20:00 – Mark Reveals the Dark Psychology Keith Raniere Was Teaching 00:27:00 – Mark Shares What Real Narcissists Admitted on Camera 00:34:00 – He Explains Why Narcissists Cannot Be Loved Into Change 00:41:00 – He Identifies the Traits Every Cult Leader Shares 00:48:00 – He Reveals the Psychological Tricks That Silence Victims 00:55:00 – He Explains How Survivors Can Spot Red Flags Earlier 01:02:00 – Mark Reflects on Healing After Escaping a Cult 01:09:00 – Mark Explains Why Narcissists Target Empathetic People 01:16:00 – He Reveals How Healthy Love Was Reframed as Weakness 01:23:00 – Mark Shares the Moment He Realized DOS Was Real 01:30:00 – He Explains Why Survivors Must Stop Blaming Themselves 01:33:20 – Linda, Listen 01:35:00 – Mark Shares His Mission to Expose the Narcissist's Playbook Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

Following up the enlightening interview with Ember Hudson, today she joins us LIVE to further discuss Native slavery, which is the least discussed aspects of early Utah history. Early Mormon settlement in Utah profoundly impacted Native communities through slavery, land displacement, and forced assimilation. After the Utah Territory legalized Native slavery in 1852, many Native chiIdren were purchased or taken into Mormon homes, where they were separated from their families, baptized, given English names, and raised within Mormon culture—practices that foreshadowed the later Indian Placement Program. At the same time, Mormon expansion transformed the landscape, disrupting traditional Native lifeways, displacing tribes from their ancestral lands, and accelerating the loss of Indigenous language, culture, and identity. Watch our initial interview with Ember: https://youtu.be/4vGYQ1r-cFE Follow and support Ember! TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@wayward_lamanite @wayward_lamanite also on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. website is: https://www.waywardlamanite.com Ember’s book “Wayward Lamanite” https://a.co/d/07WMI5OT Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

Ember Hudson shares the deeply personal story of growing up as a Native American woman in the LDS Church, where Mormon teachings about Indigenous people left her struggling with identity, worth, and belonging. Raised between her tribal heritage and a predominantly white Mormon community, she recounts how doctrines surrounding the Lamanites, rac*st interpretations of skin color, and repeated messages that she needed to "repent more" caused years of emotional and spiritual conflict. The conversation also explores the LDS Church's historical treatment of Native Americans, including the Indian Placement Program, cultural assimilation, tokenization, and the lasting impact of portraying Indigenous peoples through the lens of the Book of Mormon. Her story is a powerful examination of reclaiming identity, healing from religious trauma, and rediscovering a cultural heritage that she believes was never meant to be erased. Follow and support Ember! TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@wayward_lamanite @wayward_lamanite also on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. website is: https://www.waywardlamanite.com Ember’s book “Wayward Lamanite” https://a.co/d/07WMI5OT Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/c4ltycot #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Chapter Marks 00:00:00 – Intro - The Bishop Who Said My Skin Was Becoming "Righteous" 00:02:02 – Growing Up Native American in a White Mormon Ward 00:04:12 – Ember's ChiIdhood and Background 00:07:05 – The Book of Mormon's Claims About Native Americans Begin to Unravel 00:10:33 – When Church Leaders Tied My Worth to Her Skin Color 00:13:13 – The Dark Legacy of the LDS Indian Placement Program 00:17:29 – Living Between Native Culture and Mormon Expectations 00:24:00 – Why She Believed She Was Born Spiritually Behind Everyone Else 00:23:53 – Patriarchal blessing 00:30:32 – Native Spirituality Gave Her More Peace Than Mormonism Ever Did 00:31:34 – Two belief systems clashing 00:34:24 – Ember’s Mother's Conversion and her Family's Mormon History 00:39:14 – How Ember's Mother Becoming Mormon Affected Her Family 00:41:05 – Tokenism, Pageants, and Performing Native Identity for the Church 00:47:36 – The Moment Mormonism Started Falling Apart for Ember 00:48:41 – Deconstruction 00:51:20 – Her Terrifying First Temple Experience 00:53:20 – Leaving the Church to Protect Her Daughter's Identity 00:55:19 – How Ember Has Been Able to Reconnect With Her Culture 00:58:10 – Finding Healing After Mormonism and Reclaiming Her Heritage 01:05:35 — Why She's Finally Speaking Out About Mormonism's Native History 01:10:05 — The Massacres, Cover-Ups, and History Most Members Never Learn 01:20:01 — Linda, listen Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

ChiIdren in The Order, an incestuous polygamous break-off of the LDS church are tormented in every way possible for “the kingdom of God upon the Earth”. When they get the strength and courage to escape, they are met with total and complete exile. What no one talks about is how the mothers of these chiIdren, though they are also part of the problem, are punished and made to suffer as well. Joined by @TheAmandaRaeGrant who grew up in The Order and bravely escaped at 17, she shares her personal story and stories of those around her. In an effort to bring our community together and make lasting friendships, we are also launching a trip to Costa Rica hosted by C2C today! Only 9 spots remain after our early booking launch. Watch how our last trip went: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DB-VQZnJTcy/?igsh=MWJ0N2VvZnYxcmQ2Yw== Click here for the booking page and trip itinerary: https://trovatrip.com/trip/central-america/costa-rica/costa-rica-with-shelise-sola-aug-2027 Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

Liz Dieatrick grew up in an intensely fundamentalist Assemblies of God household, where she was told from chiIdhood that God had uniquely called her to become a missionary. Raised by a pastor father and a deeply controlling, highly religious mother, she developed crippling religious scrupulosity, suppressed her own identity, and built her entire sense of purpose around sacrificial service to God. After studying missions in college, surviving life-threatening illnesses on overseas mission trips, and enduring the public scandal of her father's arrest in a s*x sting, she interpreted every hardship as confirmation that she was faithfully following God's plan rather than questioning the system that shaped her. Liz recounts her years with Live Dead, an Assemblies of God missions movement focused on reaching "unreached people groups" in restricted countries, the intensive security training for k*dnappings and interrogations, pressure to deceive governments about missionary work, and an organizational culture that glorified self-sacrifice while minimizing personal autonomy. Looking back, Liz identifies numerous red flags she overlooked at the time, and reflects on her su*cide attempt, trauma therapy, rebuilding her identity, and the possibility that this interview could permanently alter her relationship with her parents. Find and support Liz! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@formerfundie/ Chapter Marks 00:00:00 — Intro - Raised to Become a Missionary Before Birth 00:03:21 — Liz’s ChiIdhood 00:07:10 — Fear, Hell, and Religious OCD as a ChiId 00:14:40 — Discovering the “Live Dead” Mission Movement / Adolescence 00:18:24 — Mission trips 00:21:10 — Surviving Near-Death Mission Trips 00:23:50 — Post college 00:25:30 — Her Pastor Father's S*x Sting Scandal & Arrest 00:32:35 — The Training That Felt Like a Military Operation 00:35:20 — What "Live Dead" Really Meant 00:42:40 — Life as an Underground Missionary in India / Making Friends to Secretly Plant Churches 00:45:50 — What Lead to Liz Leaving Live Dead 00:49:15 — The Moment Her Faith Began to Crack / When the Red Flags Became Impossible to Ignore 00:53:53 — CW: Su*cide Attempt That Changed Everything 00:56:45 — Therapy Uncovered Years of Religious Trauma / Losing Her Identity and Questioning Everything / Deconstruction 01:00:15 — “Who Am I Without Being a Missionary?” 01:03:00 — Leaving the Mission and Rebuilding Her Life / Grieving the Life Religion Took From Her 01:06:00 — Why Her Parents Still Don't Know She Left the Faith 01:07:30 — “This Interview Could End My Relationship With My Family” 01:10:00 — Living With Autism Inside a High-Control Religion 01:13:30 — What Healing and Freedom Look Like Today 01:16:30 — Final Reflections on Leaving Live Dead Behind 01:19:01 — Linda, Listen Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

Kathleen Brooks was drawn into Chi Alpha, a campus ministry affiliated with the Assemblies of God, while searching for purpose, belonging, and spiritual direction in college. What initially appeared to be a vibrant Christian community slowly evolved into an intensely controlling environment under the influence of a charismatic leader, Mark, who inserted himself into nearly every aspect of members' lives. Kathleen describes years of manipulation through love-bombing, spiritual authority, isolation, control over dating and marriage, financial sacrifice, and relentless ministry expectations. Even after becoming a respected leader herself, she remained convinced she was serving God, unaware of how deeply the system had shaped her thinking and enabled h*rmful practices she unknowingly perpetuated while in leadership. After Mark's death, hidden misconduct, financial irregularities, and broader organizational failures began to surface, ultimately leading Kathleen and her husband to question everything they had devoted their lives to. Chapter Marks 00:00:00 Intro 00:01:42 A Former Chi Alpha Leader Speaks Out 00:05:54 The Christian Campus Ministry That Drew Kathleen In / How She got involved in Chi Alpha 00:10:05 Why Love Bombing Worked on Her 00:12:21 Kathleen's Family Life 00:13:47 The Leader Who Earned Her Complete Trust 00:19:22 How Every Part of her Life Became Controlled 00:23:58 Why She Couldn't Walk Away / Kathleen's Time in New York 00:28:47 They Weren't Allowed to Get Married / Forced to Postpone Indefinitely 00:31:52 Having ChiIdren 00:33:55 How Motherhood Almost Destroyed Her 00:40:25 The Disturbing Truth They Learned After Mark Died 00:47:47 Ways That People of Power Can Ab*se Their Authority 00:48:59 Why the System Protects Predators, Not Victims 00:54:30 Taking Responsibility for the H*rm She Caused 00:55:06 Deconstruction 00:59:30 How Unchecked Religious Leaders Ab*se Power 01:00:54 How Kathleen is Doing Now 01:02:45 Finding Freedom After Leaving Chi Alpha 01:03:36 What Brings Kathleen Joy 01:04:56 Linda, listen 01:05:16 Final Thoughts and Hope for Survivors Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

Sarah entered college with almost no religious background, hoping to find community and deepen her newfound Christian faith, only to be drawn into a highly controlling branch of Assemblies of God known as Chi Alpha at Murray State, a Christian Campus Ministry under longtime control of the leader Mark. According to Sarah, the ministry gradually isolated students from family, academics, extracurricular activities, and outside friendships while convincing them that unquestioning obedience was God's will. Members were expected to attend daily prayers, multiple weekly meetings, mission trips, and church services, while every major life decision—from choosing a college major to dating, marriage, and even visiting family—required Mark's approval. Sarah describes how he used fear, guilt, surveillance, and claims of prophetic authority to maintain control, while dismissing concerns by insisting critics were simply attacking God's work. Sarah recounts the lasting emotional damage caused by Mark's manipulation after surviving SA away from campus, but was blamed, forced to deny it happened, and systematically isolated from her friends while others were instructed to spy on her. Things become a lot darker for Sarah when Mark finds out that she became pregnant from the ass*ult. Watch our interview with Kathleen (former director of Chi Alpha): https://youtu.be/aFJx2P6Z50A?si=jOO8RdtsIwLWh8pN Link to the support group: https://xalionsden.com/forum?wtp=categories Chapter Marks 00:00:00 The Campus Ministry Everyone Said Wasn't a Cult 00:02:03 Growing Up Without Religion Made Her the Perfect Target 00:03:17 Sarah’s ChiIdhood 00:05:39 How Chi Alpha Recruited Vulnerable College Freshmen into Assemblies of God 00:08:05 What is Chi Alpha? Meeting the Leader Who Claimed to Hear from God 00:14:52 Why Survivors Stayed Silent for More Than a Decade 00:16:09 Every Minute of Our Lives Was Scheduled and Controlled / Demands Placed On Members 00:22:14 Why Sarah Stayed Even When She Knew Something Was Wrong 00:29:40 Inside the Secret Rules for Dating, Marriage, and Isolation / Living Situation 00:36:35 CW: Ass*ault / Purity Culture 00:37:28 Her Pastor Blamed her After She Was SA’ed 00:44:30 The Pregnancy That Became Another Tool of Control 00:47:17 Pregnancy 00:51:10 CW: CW: Abort*on — Sarah Was Told She Had a Devil Inside Her 00:54:40 The Trauma Was So Severe Sarah Lost Entire Memories 00:56:45 Aftermath 00:58:00 Why Survivors Don't "Just Leave" 01:02:39 Staying On Campus 01:03:30 The Moment She Finally Walked Away 01:06:48 CW: Su*cide 01:10:20 Deprogramming After Years of Spiritual Ab*se 01:13:06 What Brings Sarah Joy Now 01:16:30 Speaking Out So Other Students Don't Suffer in Silence 01:17:30 Linda, Listen 01:20:40 Finding Healing and Helping Other Survivors Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

It’s not quite as obvious as Scientology, but Mormonism is a pay-to-play religion. This billion dollar company still requires a set amount from its members for them to qualify for the highest level of heaven. However, it gets worse for the offshoot incestuous, polygamous group the Kingston Clan that our guest @TheAmandaRaeGrant grew up in. Join us LIVE today at 3p CST as we deep dive this topic. Watch pt 2 of this discussion with @TheAmandaRaeGrant LIVE @4p CST here: https://www.youtube.com/live/3jTfv40bq1Y?si=71gaARcnKVrRk1yV Clergy Salary VS Tithing history with @analyzing.mormonism https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8GN6rDs/ Tithing history https://www.analyzingmormonism.com/tithing/ Official LDS church statement on tithing https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/first-presidency-tithing-declaration

Former supermodel Hoyt Richards recounts how a seemingly ideal upbringing, success at Princeton University, and a promising modeling career left him unexpectedly vulnerable to manipulation by a mysterious man. As a teenager searching for purpose and identity, he was drawn into the orbit of the charismatic spiritual leader, Frederick von Mierers, who used flattery, exclusivity, and promises of enlightenment to gradually gain influence over him. What began as a search for meaning evolved into a decades-long cultic relationship in which Richards learned to distrust his own instincts, suppress critical thinking, and prioritize the group's teachings above family, friendships, and personal autonomy. As Richards rose to become one of the world's most successful male models, the group's control deepened. He ultimately contributed an estimated $4–5 million to the organization, believing his success was proof that he was fulfilling a higher spiritual mission. Find and support Hoyt! IG: https://www.instagram.com/hoytrichardsofficial https://www.Instagram.com/bringmethebeauties Website: https://www.hoytrichards.com Chapter Marks 00:00:00 Intro / The Supermodel Who Lost Everything to a Cult 00:03:48 Hoyt's chiIdhood & introduction to the cult 00:07:15 A Chance Beach Encounter That Changed His Life Forever 00:10:08 Freddie's Recruitment Tactics 00:14:30 Why Spirituality Made the Cult So Convincing / The Cult Recipe 00:21:00 The Hidden Psychology Behind Cultic Relationships / First years in the Cult 00:26:45 The Alien Guru Who Built a Global Following - Frederick von Mierers 00:34:50 Becoming the World's Highest-Paid Male Model 00:41:45 When the Cult's Rules Started Falling Apart / Major Changes in the Group 00:48:30 The Emotional Cost of Losing Family and Friends / The Fallout from Going Public 00:53:45 Parts of the story not in the documentary 00:55:15 Inside the Group's Power Structure and Control Tactics 00:56:30 Escaping & Deconstructing 01:02:00 The Beginning of Doubt and Cracks in the Story 01:09:00 Realizing He Had Been Manipulated for Decades 01:11:28 Red Flags Looking Back 01:15:03 Hoyt's Life Now / Walking Away From a Life He Built Himself 01:21:53 Final Thoughts & Linda listen Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

When a 19 year old was sent to a war zone in a Russia for his mission, the deep need to remain “faithful” left him scarred when he finally made it home. Years later, his faith would unravel, causing massive shockwaves amongst his family. Following up our enlightening interview with filmmaker Kyson Dana, today we go LIVE with him to further discuss life after his traumat*c Mormon Mission. Watch our initial interview with Kyson: https://youtu.be/YbhKUZfEmjY Watch Kyson’s film: “The dark side of my Mormon Mission” https://youtu.be/Im4p0jjYGxw?si=JWeHmm2mKuczEk1a Support Kyson! Yt: https://www.youtube.com/@kysondana IG: https://www.instagram.com/kysondana/ Website: secondnatureclub.com Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

Raised in a deeply devout Mormon family in Idaho, Kyson Dana was taught from chiIdhood that serving a mission was not a choice but a sacred duty and a defining milestone of a faithful life. When he was called to serve in southwest Russia, he believed he had been specially chosen by God to bring people the only path to salvation. Mission training reinforced the idea that success or failure depended entirely on a missionary’s faith and worthiness, leaving little room to question the church’s decisions or the dangers of the assignment. Once in Russia, the reality was far different from what he had been prepared for. Watch Kyson’s film: “The dark side of my Mormon Mission” https://youtu.be/Im4p0jjYGxw?si=JWeHmm2mKuczEk1a Support Kyson! Yt: https://www.youtube.com/@kysondana IG: https://www.instagram.com/kysondana/ Website: secondnatureclub.com Chapter Marks 00:04:02 - Mormon missions 00:07:03 – Why Mormon Missions Can Be Deeply Traumat*c 00:13:04 – Growing Up Mormon: A Mission Was Never a Choice 00:17:21 – Opening His Mission Call to Russia Alone 00:19:48 — The Missionary Training Center 00:21:15 – The Mission Training That Set Him Up to Blame Himself 00:24:29 – His First Night in Russia Changed Everything 00:27:23 – Witnessing Death Just Days Into His Mission 00:32:39 – Why He Kept Knocking Doors Despite the Danger 00:37:40 — Russia and the Mormon church 00:39:04 – The Church Told Them Not to Tell Their Families About the V*olence 00:44:31 — V*olence Experienced in Russia 00:46:12 – The Moment Kyson Started Questioning Everything 00:53:18 – Living in Constant Fear and Hyper-vigilance 1:00:42 – The Lowest Point of the Mission / How Trauma Followed Kyson Home From His Mission 1:07:35 – The Long Road to Deconstructing Mormonism 1:14:28 – Why Thousands of Former Missionaries Related to His Story 1:21:40 – Linda, listen (What I Wish Every Young Mormon Knew Before Serving) 1:28:55 – Finding Healing, Sovereignty, and Life After the Church Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

In this follow up interview with Mykelti Brown Padron, she reflects on growing up in the polygamist Mormon offshoot featured on the TLC series Sister Wives, describing a chaotic chiIdhood where older chiIdren were often forced to raise younger siblings. Mykelti recounts how the constantly shifting parenting styles between her different mothers created anxiety and emotional instability, how she took on caregiving responsibilities as early as four years old, changing diapers, helping raise siblings, and how fear of law enforcement and CPS led the family to avoid hospitals and outside intervention. Mykelti dives into the emotional consequences of the family’s disciplinary culture, particularly the rule against “tattle telling,” which she explains discouraged chiIdren from reporting h*rmful behavior and contributed to deep emotional wounds. She reveals that after disclosing a troubling experience from chiIdhood, she was punished rather than protected, making it difficult to trust adults or seek help. Mykelti credits Robyn Brown, her father’s fourth wife, with eventually helping her feel safe enough to speak openly and receive support. As an adult and mother now herself, she reveals the similarities and differences in how she parents her chiIdren from her own chiIdhood. Follow and support Mykelti! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@mykeltipadron1536 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/u85780932 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mykeltip/ Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/c4ltycot #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Chapter Marks 00:00:00 — Intro 00:01:00 — Punished for Speaking Up About Trauma 00:02:15 — Introducing Mykelti Brown Padron & Sister Wives Background 00:05:00 — Growing Up Under Multiple Parenting Styles 00:06:50 — Fear, Punishment, and Walking on Eggshells 00:08:10 — Never Receiving One-on-One Attention 00:09:50 — Acting Out for Attention in a Massive Family 00:10:40 — Parenting Siblings as a ChiId 00:13:25 — Full Toddler Care Responsibilities at Age 6 00:14:10 — Dangerous “ChiIdren Watching ChiIdren” Situations 00:16:15 — Avoiding Hospitals & Medical Neglect Fears 00:18:45 — Seeing ChiIdhood Differently Through Motherhood 00:20:40 — Vacc*nes, Isolation, and Health Beliefs 00:21:30 — Home Births in Polygamist Culture 00:24:40 — C-Section Tr*uma & Twin Pregnancy Recovery 00:28:00 — Choosing Home Birth vs. Hospital Birth 00:30:40 — The “No Tattle Telling” Rule 00:32:20 — CA, Silence, and Fear of Pun*shment 00:33:45 — Why Robyn Became a Safe Person 00:35:00 — Parents Overwhelmed by Too Many ChiIdren 00:36:10 — “Lord of the Flies” Energy Inside the Household 00:37:00 — Finally Feeling Emotionally Validated 00:38:00 — Robyn’s Complicated Role in the Family 00:39:00 — Holidays, Religion, and What Wasn’t Shown on TV 00:45:30 — Dating rules for Mykelti growing up 00:46:00 — Emotional Manipulation & Family Loyalty 00:53:00 — How Fame Changed the Brown Family Dynamic / Purity Culture 01:00:00 — The Pressure of Growing Up on Reality Television 01:07:00 — Navigating Marriage After a Chaotic ChiIdhood / How Mykelti raises her own ChiIdren 01:09:22 — How Mykelti has learned to emotionally regulate herself 01:14:00 — Red Flags Mykelti Now Sees in Polygamy 01:15:34 — Linda, listen Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

Sofia May describes how the ab*se at the Tibetan Buddhist retreat center, Tara Mandala, escalated into full psychological control after the guru reframed her suffering as a form of “spiritual advancement.” After months of isolation, humiliation, sleep deprivation, impossible work demands, and emotional manipulation, the guru finally told her she had intentionally been “triggering” her to accelerate enlightenment. Instead of recognizing the ab*se, Sofia (already deeply indoctrinated into the belief that gurus use pain to dissolve the ego) interpreted the cruelty as proof she was receiving special spiritual treatment. Watch pt 1: https://youtu.be/iCl1yqz2P0c?si=_2RRevKmkGug64i3 Website: sofiamaycomedy.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/sofiamaycomedy/ Chapter Marks 00:00:00 Intro 00:03:10 Lama Tsultrim's response to asking for help 00:08:53 CW: SA, Ab*se and hazing within the cult 00:17:21 Growing job responsibilities 00:27:35 CW: DV, Sofia's ab*sive boyfriend 00:37:16 Confronting Tara Mandala about her ab*sive ex 00:45:27 The process of leaving 00:52:31 Work after leaving Tara Mandala 00:56:41 Healing and growth through comedy 01:01:39 Supporting Tara Mandala 01:05:40 Sofia's life now 01:10:38 Final thoughts & Linda Listen Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

A survivor of severe chiIdhood ab*se, Sofia May recounts how growing up in a v*olently dysfunctional and narcissistic family left her desperate for love, safety, and validation. After years of trying to earn protection from her parents by suppressing her own needs and identity, she became drawn to Buddhism because its teachings on dissolving the ego and transcending suffer*ng mirrored the self-erasure she had already been conditioned into. Sofia found temporary healing and belonging at the Tibetan Buddhist retreat center Tara Mandala, where the peaceful environment, supportive community, and emphasis on the “sacred feminine” felt like an escape from her traumatic home life. Over time, however, under the thumb of Lama Tsultrim Allione, the teachings and culture slowly encouraged deeper submission, guru worship, and the abandonment of personal boundaries. watch pt 2: https://youtu.be/rQPFsG_hH3k?si=mZSFkxFcvascEzTN Website: sofiamaycomedy.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/sofiamaycomedy/ Chapter Marks 00:00:00 Intro 00:04:06 CW: CA, Incest, Sofia May's chiIdhood 00:08:10 CW: Attempted Su*cide, Falling into Buddhism 00:16:29 Speaking out about Buddhism 00:21:27 Reasons for joining the Buddhist group 00:31:16 CW: CSA, Lama Tsultrim & the types of Buddhism 00:38:14 From "toilet Buddhism" to religious Buddhism 00:46:46 Complete abandonment and mental collapse 00:55:58 CW: Su*cidal ideation, Further betrayals and isolation 01:02:38 Linda, listen Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

(CW: CSA, Dr*g A, Self H*rm, Suic*de Ideation) For a boy growing up in the 1970s, rural northern New Jersey was a year-round playground, filled with secret fishing holes, enchanted woods, and private trails to explore with friends. But this chiIdhood idyll was snatched from Clark Fredericks by a man he regarded as a local hero: Dennis Pegg, the town’s Boy Scout leader, a law enforcement officer with the Sussex County Sheriff’s Department, and, as Fredericks would discover, a serial pred*tor. Through his teenage years and young adulthood, Fredericks kept silent about the horrific ab*se he experienced, turning to dr*gs, alcoh*l, gambl*ng, and s*x addict*on to numb the memories. For decades, he remained tormented by shame, unable to share the secrets that were eating away at his psyche—until he v*olently confronted his ab*ser. Following his timing in pr*son, Clark Fredericks and his story have inspired major reform of the statutes that once severely limited the rights of C.A. victims to sue their ab*sers. Find Clark: Book “Scarred”: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Scarred/Clark-Fredericks/9781668018651 Podcast “Free Like-Me”: https://freelike-me.buzzsprout.com/ Website: https://www.freelike-me.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/clarkfredericks/?hl=en YT: https://www.youtube.com/@clarkfredericks3309 Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon Chapter Marks 00:00:00 Intro 00:04:22 Dennis Pegg's integration in Clark's hometown 00:10:36 The first instance of ab*se/gr**ming 00:14:23 Pegg's gr**ming tactics 00:18:51:23 CW: CSA, animal ab*se 00:20:00 Burying the CSA 00:27:16 The signs of CSA starting to manifest 00:32:29 The effects of CSA on a male survivor 00:38:27 Being in debt to the mob 00:41:30 PTSD and other struggles 00:42:08 CW: dr*g ab*se 00:46:52 Acknowledging the CSA for the first time & Confronting his ab*ser 00:51:14 CW: passion-provocation mansla*ghter 00:58:41 Going to pr*son 01:00:29 CW: Self h*rm, suic*de ideation 01:06:07 Life changing choices in pr*son 01:11:15 Sobriety 01:15:32 Reconnecting with the love of his life 01:22:00 Final thoughts and Linda listen **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**