It soon may be illegal to spank your child. There are plenty in our different states’ governments that want to make it illegal for a parent to use physical discipline on their child. A while back there was a plan introduced (AB755) by California Assemblywomean Sally Lieber to make it illegal to spank one’s child.
A governmental official stated, “A hundred years ago it was considered a novel idea for the law to say you couldn’t hit your wife. Today, we can’t hit slaves, wives or military personnel. Children are the only class that is unprotected. According to the bill, a parent who spanks their child would be placed on probation for four years, would be forced to attend a ‘nonviolent parental education class’ and the child would receive a criminal court protective order ‘protecting the victim from further acts of violence.'” If passed, the state will become the first to make the corporal punishment of infants and toddlers a misdemeanor — punishable by up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine. Parents often use a wooden spoon or ruler to spank their children. This legislation actually bans the use of ‘a stick, a rod, a switch, a belt’ – tools often used by responsible parents in spanking disobedient children.
The American Academy of Pediatrics and many other professional organizations are strongly opposed to spanking. All children need discipline on hundreds of occasions but there are alternatives to spanking. Redirecting (distracting) the child, taking away a privilege, or sending a child to his or her room are some of the other ways to discipline. We can raise children to be agreeable, responsible, productive adults without ever spanking them. (APA)
Less than 50% of American parents still use some physical punishment in child rearing. It’s gradually becoming less socially acceptable to spank.
Should you spank your child?
The big philosophical, moral, societal, and spiritual question is “should you physically discipline your child?”
Most say “No!” …..But, why? Here are some popular answers:
- It might hurt the child’s ‘psyche’, i.e. their self-esteem.
- I ‘love’ my child too much to hurt him.
- Because physical harm is considered wrong in our society; i.e. assault.
- And, most will say that spanking your child is against the law.
The following is a Washington State ‘code’ –
RCW 9A.16.100 Use of force on children — Policy — Actions presumed unreasonable.
“It is the policy of this state to protect children from assault and abuse and to encourage parents, teachers, and their authorized agents to use methods of correction and restraint of children that are not dangerous to the children. However, the physical discipline of a child is not unlawful when it is reasonable and moderate and is inflicted by a parent, teacher, or guardian for purposes of restraining or correcting the child……..
The following actions are presumed unreasonable when used to correct or restrain a child: (1) Throwing, kicking, burning, or cutting a child; (2) striking a child with a closed fist; (3) shaking a child under age three; (4) interfering with a child’s breathing; (5) threatening a child with a deadly weapon; or (6) doing any other act that is likely to cause and which does cause bodily harm greater than transient pain or minor temporary marks. The age, size, and condition of the child and the location of the injury shall be considered when determining whether the bodily harm is reasonable or moderate. This list is illustrative of unreasonable actions and is not intended to be exclusive.”
Thus, in Washington State (which is a fairly Liberal state), some key points to glean from this legal code are:
- It is not unlawful to use physical force on a child in order to restrain or correct them.
- Someone other than a parent can use corporal punishment on the child (authorized agent). Interestingly, only 27
states have actually banned corporal punishment from their public school systems.
- The force needs to be ‘reasonable’ and ‘moderate’.
- Unreasonable actions include kicking, striking with a fist, shaking a young child.
- The overriding principle is to not cause bodily harm greater than ‘transient’ pain or ‘minor’ ‘temporary’ marks.
Here are some practical applications and warnings gleaned from this legal code:
- Slugging one’s teenage boy in the arm could be counted as unreasonable (‘closed fist’)
- Using a belt on the bare buttocks of a child could leave ‘non-temporary’ marks (i.e., lasting greater than 10 min.).
Thus, if you were reported to the police for ‘abusing’ your child, and your child finally arrives at the ER to be
examined 2 hours after ‘said’ abuse, and there are ‘red’ areas on the child’s buttocks, this might be considered an
unlawful use of force.
- One can authorize a ‘babysitter’, relative, teacher, nursery worker, etc., to legally render physical discipline to
one’s child; but, this should be, in my opinion, delineated in writing.
- ‘Breaking the law’ would include ‘bruising’ and/or ‘cuts’.
- Pain lasting more than about 10 minutes could be considered ‘unreasonable’ (i.e., against the law).
- Nothing is mentioned concerning using objects (i.e., wooden spoons, paddles, belts) except for the term ‘deadly
weapons’. Thus, use great caution in employing the use of ‘instruments’ for spanking.
- If the child is under 3, mentally challenged, or physically weak or deformed, one should show great caution in
disciplining them.
In all of this, picture your ‘case’ before a jury of parents who are somewhat on the liberal side. How might that go?
Some day, maybe very soon, it may be illegal to use any form of physical discipline on a child; then what will you do??!!!!
Is God against spanking?
God emphatically states that you should physically discipline your child.
Here are some very important reasons God gives for why a parent should physically discipline their child:
- It shows that you truly do love them
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (Proverbs 13:24)
- They are born wicked
The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies (Ps 58:3).
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me (Ps 51:5).
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child (Pv 22:15a)
- It’s the most effective way to get the foolishness permanently out of your child
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him (Proverbs 22:15).
- Gives the foolish child the wisdom that they so desperately need
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame (Proverbs 29:15)
- So you can have a peaceful home
Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul (Ps 29:17)
- You’ve only got a short time to change their wicked ways; then there is no hope for them.
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying (Proverbs 19:18).
- Because your child is headed for Hell!
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him
with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Proverbs 23:13,14).
How to physically discipline your child
The classic line is “I’m gonna beat the tarrrr out of you”! “I’m gonna tann your hide!” “I’m gonna beat you within an inch of your life”! “You’re gonna get the spanking of your life”! “When your father gets home you’re gonna get a whippin”! These statements are not Biblically sound…rather, they are morally evil.
Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest… Withhold not correction from the child… …but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Correct means to “set right, or to make straight; to rectify; to bring to the standard of truth, justice, or propriety; to remove whatever is wrong”. (Websters 1828)
Chasten thy son while there is hope (Pv 19:18a)
Chasten means to “correct by punishment, to inflict pain for the purpose of reclaiming an offender, to purify from errors or faults”. (Websters 1828)
Thou shalt beat him with the rod…
Beat means to “strike repeatedly; to lay on repeated blows with a stick” (Websters 1828)
Spank means to “strike with the open hand”. (Websters 1828)
The Bible doesn’t seem to sanction this type of discipline. It only speaks of using a ‘rod’.
The rod and reproof give wisdom…. Thou shalt beat him with the rod… if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.” … He that spareth his rod hateth his son…
But, what is a ‘rod’? Is iron ‘Rebar’ a rod? Is a 1” x 2” wood section a rod?
“A shoot or long twig of any woody plant; a branch, or the stem of a shrub”. (Websters 1828)
Many Christian child advocates are stating that the ‘rod’ of the Bible is referring to: a) a shepherd rod that is used for gentle guidance; b) the act of teaching the child right from wrong. They state that inflicting pain is counterproductive and even borders on abuse. I believe the rod is what Webster has reported, and what the Bible supports.
Pick some wooden object that is long, somewhat thin, but that won’t break with repeated usage. Ideally, the rod should not be capable of tearing the flesh or leaving swelling/bruising. The Bible implies that the proper rod will not be capable of causing the child to die (‘he shall not die’). You could hit the child with a twig all you want, but, he is not likely to die from it. Do not use the hand if possible, for it is a sign of indearment and is to be used to carress, not to correct. The wrist, side of the hand, or fist act as a club, and not as a rod. Do not use anything other than the ‘approved’ rod, for other objects laying nearby may actually inflict bodily damage vice just pain (i.e., you are in a fury and the only think nearby is your dress shoe).
When to use the rod
- Whenever “correction” is needed.
Correct thy son…
If the child is doing something that is not correct then the rod “may” be used. Discretion should be used here, in that, a quick command from your mouth may be enough to correct the child’s way. But, there often is delay on the child’s part here and thus the rod should then be chosen.
- When foolishness is being displayed.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
If the child is involved with folly (i.e. mischief, danger, etc), then the rod should quickly be used.
The child should begin to be disciplined with the rod as soon as they render themselves needing correction. This could be even before age one! Though, the intensity would be extremely mild.
Use it unsparingly: He that spareth his rod hateth his son; the world says we hate them if we spank them; you hate them if you let them continue in their destructive, hellbound way of life! So, make sure that you don’t withhold correction from the child. Don’t withhold correction because ‘you love them too much’; that is oxymoronic!
Use it early on: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes; don’t always choose to employ the rod when every other discipline strategy has failed; also, don’t wait until the child is 10 years old to begin using the rod…start at an early age.
Use it intensely: but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. …he shall give thee rest. Do you want your dear child to burn in Hell for eternity?! Well, then, beat him with the rod…cause the child to fear authority…to know that there is severe punishment with disobedience… to be able to love the one who chastens them… to want to obey because of your obvious love for them.
Reproof is to go along with the using of the rod. The rod and reproof give wisdom…
Just inflicting pain will fall short of the intended goal of correction. Reproving must be done to show the correct way he should go. Don’t just spank them…explain to them what they’ve done wrong and what the Bible says about that.
Let me balance things out here: physical discipline should be used following a certain strategy that you and your spouse have agreed upon. Don’t opt to use ‘the rod’ for every little need for correcting your child has. This will make this form of discipline less and less effective. There should be certain behaviours or actions that physical discipline is the default form of correction. These might be: physical harm, unbridaled rebellion, lying, stealing, and persistant disobedience in a certain area. Thus, hold physical discipline for the more serious infractions, and use less negative correction for all the others.
What other strategies are there for correcting the child?
Reproof: This is based upon the parent re-proving what is correct behavior and what was wrong with the child’s behavior. It involves technically examining the behavior and making sure that the child understands where exactly they were wrong and what exactly is expected of them. Reproof is not when a parent yells at their child and tells them that they’ve done wrong. Reproof should always be done in a calm, understandable, non-threatening voice. It is best to sit the child down and explain things. Reproof should always precede any form of discipline; thus you should never use the rod without first using reproof (the rod ‘and’ reproof give wisdom).
Time out chairs: Most don’t employ this as a punishment, but rather use it as a time for the child to ‘think about what they’ve done. However, this allows the child to brood over this great inconvenience you are putting him through. Often the child will daydream to entertain himself during this “boring” time out. Also, there is a long break in “fellowship” between the child and the parent with “time outs”. I am ok with ‘short’ time-outs (5 minutes or less).
Priveledge revolking: It also has the danger of causing great resentment by the child. The goal is quick correction and restoration to fellowship (just like us and our Father in Heaven). Priviledge revolking (i.e., can’t go to Summer Camp in 1 month) can build resentment over that long period of time involving the denial of the priviledge. Though, it can cause a rebellious child to re-think their disobedience in the future. The ultimate in this form of discipline is ‘grounding’. Being grounded usually means that the child cannot leave their house for a period of time (week, month, all summer). It is wise to show mercy once the correct behavior comes from the child (i.e., priviledge reinstated, or something positive).
Hard work: The old stand by that has worked for centuries and centuries is good old-fashioned hard work. Hard work has many advantages: it keeps the child’s mind off of brooding, resentment, anger; it redirects the child to an action that is profitable for them; it can help the parent lessen their load; it builds character; it often is more feared than physical discipline, priviledge revoking, and time outs!
It is important to understand that the whole goal of physical correction is not to satisfy the anger in you; and it is not to make them pay for what they have done; but rather, it should be to correct the undesirable behaviour. It needs to be to a frequency and intensity that does indeed accomplish that. If little 3 year old Jonny hits his little friend bobby and you tap Jonny 3 times on the diaper and then Jonny 2 minutes later is doing the exact same thing again, well, you have failed at correcting him. Physical discipline should only be used if it is going to accomplish the goal. Otherwise, don’t use it. It’s serious business. Physical discipline without crying resulting is probably not intense enough (depending on the age and tempor of the child).
Whenever you decide to use physical discipline, remember this: you are a child too…of your Father in Heaven!
How would you want Him disciplining you??!!