Is it Biblically supported for a Christian to divorce their spouse?
Does God allow divorce in certain situations?
Is there a difference between legally being married and being married in the eyes of God?
THE TWO SHALL BE ONE FLESH
Ge 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
1 Co 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
‘One flesh’ is surely involving the physical; but it primarily is speaking of a close, unbreakable unifying bond that marriage is designed to have. You both become one entity in God’s eyes. The ‘harlot’ passage, if taken literally, would imply that if you have ‘intimacy’ with someone, then you are automatically married to them (in the eyes of God). This is a possibility, but it seems more reasonable to understand it to mean that the picture of ‘intimacy’, being ‘one flesh’, is showing a marriage bond.
Dt 22:28,29 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
This appears to say that becoming ‘one flesh’ does not automatically constitute you to be married to that person; but, in OT law, you were to marry that virgin that you defiled.
WHAT GOD HATH JOINED TOGETHER
Mal 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
What constitutes God being a ‘witness’ between two that get married? Are all marriages automatically involving the Lord as a witness to it (i.e. in the eyes of God)(approved by God)? He does see everything; but, this seems to connote that He is approving of it. Would God be witness and approve of a lost person marrying a saved person?….two lost people marrying?…..a homosexual marriage?…..a polygymous marriage?! I think not….
Marriage is a ‘covenant’, a promise, a contract, between two consenting parties (male and female) and having at least 2 witnesses present to verify. It should involve the parties’ authority (i.e. parents, guardians).
Most couple are greatly sinning when they divorce because they are breaking their marriage vow (covenant) of ‘till death do us part’.
Mt 19:5,6 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
What is entailed in having “God join” the two “together” vice man (i.e. in the eyes of God)? “Man hath joined together” most marriages (going before the correct legal authority to get married legally). But, what about God hath joined together? Is it simply following God’s plan for marriage, which lost people can even do (leave parents and correctly become husband and wife)? Does it require two saved people wanting to live for the Lord together? Is it just having a pastor or minister perform the ceremony and them saying Biblical truths about marriage? One key truth here is that man should (can?) not put asunder (in a legal format) what God has joined together (in a spiritual format). Put asunder is similar to put away. God warns at going against God’s will here; I would assume that ‘what God hath joined together’ is specifically speaking of two saved people of the opposite gender who were married ‘in the eyes of God’, before God as a witness, including God in their marriage. God does not want this type of true marriage having man put asunder… that is, the couple pursuing a ‘judge’ to legally have them be divorced (put asunder). Does God ever put asunder? I do not believe so. If ‘man’ joined the two together (i.e., a civil wedding not involving God, nor one’s parents) and later they divorce, is that considered by God as a sin? They weren’t married in God’s eyes…so they can’t really divorce…they just stop living together and fornicating, I guess… but, let’s look at the next verse…
Jn 4:18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.
The implications of this verse are as follows: 1) in Jesus Christ’s eyes, a person can be married more than once; and the previous marriages then are negated; thus you don’t stay married to someone for as long as they are alive when you become ‘one flesh’; 2) even a lost person’s marriage, God recognizes; it doesn’t mean that He approves of them though; thus, I don’t believe that it necessarily means that they were in the eyes of God; 3) it is possible to be living together (committing fornication, being one flesh) and not be considered married by God.
UNTIL DEATH DO US PART
1 Co 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
Ro 7:2-3 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
It is clear that marriage is binding for life. Also, it is clear that once a spouse has died, one is completely free to marry again…in the Lord. There is the ‘law of the husband’ and being ‘bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth’…thus you are bound by the law to stay married until death do us part. It is only directed to the woman because the man typically died before the woman. According to this passage, if someone divorces and then marries again while that first spouse is still alive, it is adultery. In fact, they are to be referred to as an ‘adultress’ (I don’t recommend doing this today though)(also, I believe divorce is ‘allowed’ in 2 situations).
Dt 24:1-4 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
The main teaching of this passage is that if you divorce your spouse and they then remarry, you may not marry them again, no matter what. This would protect against a kind of ‘wife swapping’ scenario where couples are divorcing for a while and having their fun and then coming back together again when that one didn’t work out (as it usually doesn’t). Also, this shows that marrying while the spouse is still alive, even if it is that actual spouse, is still adultery.
GOD HATES DIVORCE
Mal 2:16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
Does God ever approve of a divorce? This verse seems to state that God absolutely hates divorce in all cases….even ‘for the cause of fornication’. He may suffer it to be so, but that doesn’t change the fact that He hates it. He suffers it to be so that we continue living despite all our wicked sins!
The words ‘put away’ come from the Hebrew word “shalach” which means: to forsake, to cast or push away. Forsaking the one whom you should have been willing to die for! That’s why God so hates it. It is the exact opposite of the attitude that you are suppose to have towards them.
Lev 20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
Just how badly does God hate divorce (compare with Romans 7, above)? Should the O.T. law be followed today? What should the civil punishment be for divorce? If it was a capital offense, then that would surely curb the rampant tide of divorces in this country. There would never be a divorce potentially. Surely we see from this that God truly does hate divorce!
AN UNBELIEVER CAN DIVORCE
1 Co 7:12-17 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.
The context here is a saved person married to an unsaved spouse. If the unsaved spouse is not seeking divorce, then the saved spouse should not either. But, if the unsaved does seek divorce, then it appears that it is allowable by God for the saved spouse to not fight it (in court) and let them divorce. They would not be ‘under bondage’ here; just like when the spouse dies. However, it is not talking about a backslidden Christian here, or a saved spouse who has chosen to not believe they way the other spouse does (i.e., leaves the Baptists, Evangelicals, etc.); they are to be undoubtedly ‘lost’…not just acting like they are lost. God’s desire is ‘peace’, though; He wants there to be peace in the marriage, even if the other is an unbeliever. Also, the saved spouse might be used of God to lead the unsaved spouse to the Lord.
MOSES ALLOWED DIVORCE, BUT DOES GOD?
Mt 19:7,8 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
Why did Moses command this? It wasn’t because it was God’s will. It wasn’t because it was ok to do. It was because of peoples’ hardness of heart. Wicked, hard, unchanging hearts. Moses suffered it (put up with) because there was so much of this hard heartedness amongst marriages then (and now) that in order to keep peace on earth it was necessary. The question is whether God told Moses to suffer this. There is so much sin on this earth that if God judged it the way it should be judged, we all would be potentially killed. Also, Moses was a meek, compassionate man, who was very sensitive to the fact that many of his brethren were being stoned to death as a result of divorce and adultery. It might be that there were so many being stoned that Israel was becoming numerically weak; and, there were too many orphans or widows as an outcome of it. God was tender to Moses and suffered it. However, we see that God’s clear plan in Genesis was to be for life ‘one flesh’.
Furthermore, in Mt 5:31 it states: It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
In this verse, Jesus Christ is listing a liteny of contrasts between OT law and NT law (see vs. 33-44): divorce is not right in God’s eyes regardless of what was suffered in the OT concerning it.
EXCEPT IT BE FOR FORNICATION…
In Mt 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. The fornication here is referring to the husband finding out about: a) sexual immorality that occurred prior to marriage, thus his wife was not a virgin;
b) sexual immorality occuring during the betrothal period prior to becoming ‘one flesh’ at the consummation; c) sexual immorality occuring after their marriage was consummated. Some argue that fornication is technically involving a never-been-married person committing sexual immorality and adultery is that of a formerly or currently married person. If this is true, then that would change the permitting of divorce to just sexual immorality that occurred prior to marriage. But, which is more ‘sinful’? Fornication at age 18, long before one is married, or adultery at age 45, after one has been married 20 years?! Which one would be more concerning to you in choosing a prospective spouse?
Mt 5:32 states: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
It simply is stating that a husband is not going to be guilty of causing his ‘ex-wife’ to commit adultery (when she remarries) if she has already committed ‘fornication’. This fornication might be that she is having an affair and thus guilty already of adultery; so he wouldn’t be the one causing it, per se. It doesn’t say here that God is saying it is perfectly ok to divorce if this has happened; it just says that the husband (spouse) is not going to cause this sin to occur if he happens to divorce (against God’s will).
Thus, it appears that God ‘allows’ a Christian to divorce their spouse (saved or unsaved) if that spouse has commited fornication (i.e., adultery). But, my belief is that God’s overriding will would no doubt be to continue staying married to them and hopefully they will repent. If both of you have children, then I would be hardpressed to ever recommend divorce… even if the spouse was ‘cheating’ on a regular basis. Have the ‘cheater’ pursue divorce… but not you. Pray for God’s judgment, or for His healing hand, or for him to leave you…
Deut 24:1,2 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.
The ‘uncleanness’ here would most likely be referring to sexual immorality prior to the consummation of their marriage, vice that she broke the law in some regard to make her ‘unclean’ (i.e. touching a dead animal…). This would then support the N.T. ‘fornication clause’.
It is easier to commit adultery (and fornication) than one might think. Potentially all adult men are guilty of these sins!
Mt 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
If committing adultery is biblical grounds for divorce, then every wife has plenty of grounds for divorce already with her beauty lusting husband!
The O.T. mandate for adultery was for them to be killed, and then the spouse is free from the law and can marry again.
NEITHER DO I CONDEMN THEE…
Jn 8:3,10,11 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
If you have been a guilty party in a divorce… if you have gone against the Bible in getting a divorce… if you have divorced and are remarried… is God done with you? We all have sinned; there are multitudes of sins we do every day; Men should not condemn people who divorce or who commit adultery in this fashion…for God (Jesus Christ) doesn’t either; but, He wants you to learn from this and ‘sin no more’; don’t go out and divorce and remarry 3 more times!!! Sin no more! God doesn’t condemn you…to a stoning….nor to be done using you greatly for His glory.